I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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