I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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