i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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