Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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