Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
