so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
