i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS