Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!

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(605): Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?! http://tfl.nu/u19h

Replies (13) Good night (4365) Bad night (700)
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(815): View more from Illinois

We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...

(847): View more from Illinois

And they lived happily ever after....

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(815): We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal... (847): And they lived happily ever after.... http://tfl.nu/htue

Replies (22) Good night (1755) Bad night (5227)
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(607): View more from New York

How was dinner with ur grandparents?

(1-607): View more from New York

I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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(607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup

Replies (18) Good night (1604) Bad night (6739)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat

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(615): We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat http://tfl.nu/d487

Replies (11) Good night (914) Bad night (2100)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...

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(317): Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ... http://tfl.nu/clq5

Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (1908)
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(806): View more from Texas

Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.

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(806): Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again. http://tfl.nu/oiv0

Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (747)
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(207): View more from Maine

I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.

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(207): I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone. http://tfl.nu/cis8

Replies (3) Good night (1352) Bad night (528)
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(214): View more from Texas

You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.

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(214): You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate. http://tfl.nu/ezsl

Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (534)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale

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(304): I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale http://tfl.nu/3k6s

Replies (7) Good night (1961) Bad night (577)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire

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(267): I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire http://tfl.nu/ih5l

Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (690)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.

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(678): Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/6dhe

Replies (9) Good night (1807) Bad night (746)
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(513): View more from Ohio

You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.

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(513): You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when. http://tfl.nu/o3c9

Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (451)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.

(541): View more from Oregon

Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.

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(503): Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home. (541): Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on. http://tfl.nu/kn96

Replies (5) Good night (587) Bad night (428)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.

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(513): I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that. http://tfl.nu/ttqm

Replies (2) Good night (373) Bad night (295)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.

(303): View more from Colorado

Marry me.

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(970): Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on. (303): Marry me. http://tfl.nu/s9nf

Replies (5) Good night (1076) Bad night (189)

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