how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it