Texts From Last Night

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  (510): View more from California

  I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

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  (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring... http://tfl.nu/set0
  Replies (80) Good night (2897) Bad night (8312)
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  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

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  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (2217) Bad night (5229)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose

  (214): View more from Texas

  962=my?

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yeah.i

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  (972): Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose (214): 962=my? (972): Yeah.i http://tfl.nu/5itb
  Replies (12) Good night (2842) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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  (541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people http://tfl.nu/4uzt
  Replies (16) Good night (3507) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.

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  (301): He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired. http://tfl.nu/1pq9
  Replies (29) Good night (5209) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit

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  (310): He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit http://tfl.nu/vjau
  Replies (17) Good night (770) Bad night (5765)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (9013) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

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  (401): You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas. http://tfl.nu/h7nj
  Replies (4) Good night (4101) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.

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  (214): Why does it always end up with me crying in my car. http://tfl.nu/bhj2
  Replies (10) Good night (669) Bad night (3081)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.

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  (240): Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9wdm
  Replies (21) Good night (1223) Bad night (5063)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.

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  (541): I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true. http://tfl.nu/xlw0
  Replies (6) Good night (1458) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...

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  (515): Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis? (515): Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you... http://tfl.nu/0yf4
  Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.

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  (954): I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/1wnj
  Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I thought you wanted to talk?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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  (609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx
  Replies (3) Good night (1274) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours

  (646): View more from New York

  This text was so worth waking up to

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  (407): I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours (646): This text was so worth waking up to http://tfl.nu/6rgp
  Replies (4) Good night (846) Bad night (357)

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