I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?