i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.