I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
