u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
