That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
