I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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