Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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