He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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