I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
