I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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