Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
