Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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