no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
