Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
