I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
