So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my shit smells like andre
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize