Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
