"it" just moved
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
