pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
