Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
