and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
