Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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