laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
