the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
