Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can't motorboat a personality
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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