We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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