Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
