If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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