Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize