I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
