Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
