All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
