dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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