I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
