I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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