so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
