I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
