I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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