We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
