Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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