Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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