im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
