obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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