I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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