she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
