Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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