Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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