what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
