census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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