you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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