went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
