I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
