i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
