i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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