Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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