I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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