Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
