Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
