Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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