Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
