hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
