i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We have started to decorate penises.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
