I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
